Yes Dear.

This is going to be one of those posts under the title of 'Relationship Curiosity'. Just bear with me and hopefully by the end it will all make sense and you may have picked up a thing or two.

On a trip out last week I found a funny postcard which I wanted to share so have a look at the picture below.

Now I also realise that the majority of people reading this don't speak German so let me translate.

3 sentences that guarantee a long and happy marriage.

• Yes dear.
• I'm sorry.
• It was my mistake.

I'm sure it's not the first time you've seen something worded along these lines which suggests that it's actually kind of relevant, don't you think? I had a little ponder about what could really be underneath those three phrases. Added to some internet research I have come to a conclusion - that men listen to their egos more than their woman!

When your girlfriend gets annoyed at you and says 'I asked you to call me when you left work/your house/uni yet you're here but I didn't receive a phone call' do you say:

1. I completely forgot, I'm so sorry. (END)
2. I completely forgot, I'm sorry, but I got distracted/was on the phone to my mum/...
3. I completely forgot. I walked home with X and we got talking/mum called me straight after my lecture so I didn't have time...
4. Why are you grumpy about that, it was only a phone call, it wasn't important?

Bet you didn't think there was going to be a quiz today, did you?! Ok, I'll deal with them in reverse order.

'Why are you grumpy about that, it was only a phone call, it wasn't important?'

• She asked you to do something, you agreed, she got annoyed because you didn't do it. You may not always agree with why your girlfriend is annoyed, but part of being in a relationship means that you accept what the other person feels. So whether you agree or not, you've done something wrong in her eyes. Ignore the fact that you don't agree and apologise for upsetting her. If you really think about it, when your girlfriend brings up an issue, she doesn't say, 'it was wrong when you did that' she probably says 'you annoyed me when you did that' so arguing whether it was wrong or right is irrelevant because that's not what she said!

'I completely forgot. I walked home with X and got distracted.'

• She didn't ask you why so she certainly doesn't want to hear your excuses. She wants to hear you acknowledge her feelings and take responsibility for your actions, after all, you're a responsible adult man, not a boy.

'I completely forgot, I'm sorry, but I got distracted...'

• You nearly fixed it. Any sentence that starts, 'I'm sorry', and finishes 'but...' is not a real apology. 'I'm sorry' means you're accepting responsibility, 'but' tries to share the blame. The latter negates the former. Either be sorry or don't but don't undermine the value of I'm sorry with excuses.

'I completely forgot, I'm so sorry.'

• When you've reached a point where you can accept that the issue is that you've upset her, not the validity you place on the issue, then this sentence will make complete sense. You've upset her, you love her and don't want her to be upset, therefore you're sorry that you upset her. Simple.

How does that tie into the postcard above? I'll admit that 'yes dear' isn't wholly relevant here. The other two phrases however are really important here. By saying 'I'm sorry' and NOT giving excuses, you're admitting your culpability and effectively saying 'It was my mistake'. That's all we want to really hear. We've told you something's upset us, we expect you to LISTEN (yep, listen!) to us and accept and acknowledge that you've upset us.

The conclusion of my thoughts and research about this postcard and these phrases was that 'men listen to their egos more than their women'. What I mean is that you're more interested in being right than acknowledging our feelings. Your insistence on providing excuses is just your ego's way of saying, 'I'm not wrong'. I hope that if you think about it you'll agree that your girlfriend is more important than your ego, so the next time she says that you did something wrong, ignore your ego screaming to defend itself and just listen to your girlfriend. (If you want to read a short article about how your ego can ruin your relationship then you can find one here, it's not amazing but I'm sure you can take something from it). The most important thing however is remembering, in the heat of an argument, to ignore your ego and listen to your girlfriend instead.

I really hope you found at least one thing useful in this post, I know it wasn't exciting but it was important. So start listening to your girlfriends and tell your ego to get lost!

Love from lila xx