Are Men From Mars?

Although many of you may not be a big fan of the 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' philosophy, John Gray's ideas at least form a starting block for understanding each other better. Read on for a (very) small look at the different 'love needs' of men and women.

What women need...
1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation
6. Reassurance

What men need...
1. Trust
2. Acceptance
3. Appreciation
4. Admiration
5. Approval
6. Encouragement

The two sets are also listed to correspond with one another. So where women need care, men need trust. Where women need understanding, men need acceptance and so on.

I'm guessing that you're all a little confused about why I've chosen to natter on about this today? Well I thought that it might give you a little insight into how men and women work and how you can use that to improve your relationship and communication. To give you a little idea I'll explain a bit more about the 6 pairs of needs, all of which work in a cyclical way where a man caring for a woman increases her trust for him and this trust for him increases his care for her.


Caring - Trust
Women feel cared for when men ask after a woman's feelings and show concern for her well-being. A man feels trusted when the woman shows him that she understands that he's doing everything with her best interests in mind.

Female mistake: trying to improve him or offering unsolicited advice.
Male mistake: not listening to her or getting distracted.


Understanding - Acceptance
Women feel understood when their opinions and feelings are listened to and a man makes an effort to make sure that he understands them. Men feel accepted when a woman doesn't try to change him.

Female mistake: trying to change him by expressing negative feelings.
Male mistake: taking her feelings literally and offering solutions to her problems.


Respect - Appreciation
Women feel respected when a man prioritises her rights, wishes, needs, thoughts and feelings. When a woman acknowledges that she has gained from a man's actions, he will feel appreciated.

Female mistake: not acknowledging things he has done and complaining about things he hasn't done.
Male mistake: listening to her feelings but then blaming her for bringing you down.


Devotion - Admiration
Women feel a man's devotion when he commits himself to supporting and fulfilling her and prioritises her needs and feelings above all other aspects of his life. A man feels admired when a woman is amazed by his characteristics or talents.

Female mistake: correcting his behaviour as if he were a child.
Male mistake: not prioritising her above everything else.


Validation - Approval
A woman feels validated when a man accepts her feelings and does not argue with them. A man sees a woman's approval when she acknowledges the goodness of him and his reasons.

Female mistake: expressing her upset feelings indirectly with rhetorical questions like 'How could you do that?'
Male mistake: when she is upset, telling her why she is wrong and shouldn't be upset.


Reassurance - Encouragement
When a man repeatedly shows his care, understanding, respect, devotion and validation to a woman, she feels reassured that she is loved. A man feels encouraged by her trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration and approval to be the best that he can be.

Female mistake: correcting or criticising his decisions or initiatives.
Male mistake: after listening, saying nothing or walking away.


Like always, I hope this post has been useful to you and at least provides a starting point for you to think about your communication with your partner and how different your needs are. The ideas aren't mine but come from 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' by John Gray. If you want to have a closer look at some of his ideas then I'd recommend it and you can find it on Amazon here. Good luck!

Love from lila xx